***Disclaimer***
If you do not care to read about bras...again...skip this post. You've been warned...so you'll have no excuse to eye roll or grumble later if you do in fact read this post.
I've written before about my disdain for bras....and my lack of finding good ones that last...and I've told you that The DeShazo cracked my bra issue case last fall when she discovered I washed and dried them after every wear. You can read all about that here and here.
It's time for new bras again. Why you ask? Because I fit my stapler down in mine a few weeks ago. (For those wondering why I put the stapler in my bra to see if it fit......I knew my bras were too big now because I have gapping parts...and The DeShazo made some snide remark about fitting stuff in there...so I had no choice but to choose a stapler.....and for those of you wondering about who all might use my stapler.....well that just makes me laugh because every time a poor soul touches it I just laugh).
Anyway, I mentioned that I needed to go back to the Lingerie Store in Edmond because those people really know how to size you and help you to L & The DeShazo yesterday, but that I didn't want to have to go to Edmond.(No offense to my Edmond friends, but I hate ya'lls traffic and I constantly get lost).
L told me that her friends rave about an older lady at Dillard's in Norman. That immediately made me happy, as any trip to Norman results in a stop at Tarahumara.
L didn't know the name of the lady, just that she was older and a queen at bra fitting. Since I'm pretty much a
I called the lingerie department at Dillard's yesterday and a very young associate answered the phone....and my
Me: Do you guys still have an older lady working in your department that is awesome at bra fitting?
Associate: (pause) Well, we have me, I'm the youngest, a middle-aged lady, and two older ladies, but we are all fit certified.
Me: I only want the one who is the best at bra fitting....like I need serious help and an older one was recommended. When are the two older ones working??
Associate: (pause) Well, (pause)
Me: Listen, I know I sound like a stalker, but I really need their schedules because this is really for the greater good. Can you just tell me if one of them will be working tomorrow evening?
Associate: (pause) They'll be here tomorrow.
So......off to Dillard's I went this evening.
I packed a T-Shirt (b/c those show the bras the best) and extra deodorant and counted down the hours until I would meet the bra guru, Ms. Wendy.
Martinez met me at the mall so that he could watch Liv while I had a few bra moments of bliss alone. I approached the counter where Ms. Wendy just happened to be helping a customer. When I was next, she sweetly asked me if she could help me.... I smiled... knowing she had no idea what she was about to get into.
Just for the record, Ms. Wendy is NOT old.... She's middle-aged.
Ms. Wendy directed me into a room and then asked for my name, told me to take off my shirt and turn around. She immediately shouted off the exact brand AND style of the bra I was wearing, that I've had since January and told me that they don't even carry that bra anymore and that it was way too big.
I was so impressed.
Ms. Wendy then put her little measuring tape around, started shaking her head and said " you are gonna leave here a new women".
That's when I knew we'd be friends.
She left the room and I immediately started to text The DeShazo & L that I was actually in the presence of this guru.
She came back so quickly I couldn't even finish my texts with a handful of bras, but I was able to get a few extra swipes of deodorant on that I brought just in case I might need it.
Ms. Wendy: Now, I'm gonna undo your bra and you just fling it over there on that bench and then slip this one on.
I complied.
Ms. Wendy: Ya, just like that. Now, pull down on the front over your breasts and then bend over and then stand up.
Me: It's just like on double divas!! If I hadn't watched that show, I wouldn't have known where exactly this was going.
Ms. Wendy: Oh girl! I'm so mad about that... I was telling my husband how a few us up here should go around and do bra fittings and then just a couple of weeks later I saw that show. (all the while she's talking to me, she's adjusting and poking and turning my around).
Now look at that...that's a fit!
Ms. Wendy adjusted and approved certain bras....the lady really is awesome.
Not only did I leave the store with new bras, I left with a whole new mind full of information.
It's only fair that I share.
1) You need 7 bras.
Now Anna, what you need to do now is build your closet! You need 7 bras. You need to start with Sunday and go through Saturday...one bra for each day ok? You will only wash the bras after each has been worn 4 times. That means that each bra will only be washed 12 times a year! Just 12 times a year, Anna! You'll get to have these bras for a very long time...IF you take good care of them. Understand? These bras are expensive, so let's make them last. Now you've got four new ones, so that's a very good start.
2) You need a lingerie washing bag.
How do you wash your bras? I informed Ms. Wendy that I put them on hand wash in the washing machine and let them air dry. I did NOT inform Ms. Wendy of my old bra sins of washing AND drying them after every wear like I did last year because I couldn't bear the disappointment in her eyes.
You need to use a lingerie bag. You wash a couple together at a time and then lay them out. And you wash the light ones with light ones and dark ones with dark ones.
3) You need to wear dark bras with dark clothes and light bras with light clothes.
Now, don't get it twisted...this isn't because you might be able to see through... Ms. Wendy had a different reason.
Now Anna, let's take that shirt you are wearing over there for example. You have a dark shirt touching your bra, even though your outer shirt is light. You needed to be wearing a dark bra today, not light. You don't want the darkness of your undershirt rubbing on your light bra. It'll make them look older and stained.
4) You are not just one bra size.
So I'm not a ??? anymore? No, Anna. That was too big... and you will wear a different size in different brands and styles. That's what the problem is now. Women aren't properly sized. For every band width that you subtract, you will add two cup sizes. For instance if you are a 34DD, you would also wear a 32E. If you are a 36E, you would also wear a 32 G, dependent on the brand. You see?
Everyone should go see Ms. Wendy. She had me put my shirt back on after each bra fitting, to get the full effect....no pun intended, hehe.
She also went and grabbed me a t-shirt off the rack to put on, since I left mine in the car ( and I didn't even tell her that was important to me... b/c she's pretty much genius at her job... and she grabbed one that was perfect fit and I bought that too! )
I'm gonna go examine my new bras...for the third time.
You should stay tuned this week... b/c Ms. Wendy and I made a deal.......
Until Next Time.....
Ma'dam Martinez
**sorry for the typos**
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