You Say Bra, They Say Brassiere, I Say Liberation !!

***Disclaimer***

If you do not care to read about bras...again...skip this post.  You've been warned...so you'll have no excuse to eye roll or grumble later if you do in fact read this post.

 

I've written before about my disdain for bras....and my lack of finding good ones that last...and I've told you that The DeShazo cracked my bra issue case last fall when she discovered I washed and dried them after every wear. You can read all about that here and here.

It's time for new bras again. Why you ask?  Because I fit my stapler down in mine a few weeks ago. (For those wondering why I put the stapler in my bra to see if it fit......I knew my bras were too big now because I have gapping parts...and The DeShazo made some snide remark about fitting stuff in there...so I had no choice but to choose a stapler.....and for those of you wondering about who all might use my stapler.....well that just makes me laugh because every time a poor soul touches it I just laugh).

Anyway, I mentioned that I needed to go back to the Lingerie Store in Edmond because those people really know how to size you and help you to L & The DeShazo yesterday, but that I didn't want to have to go to Edmond.(No offense to my Edmond friends, but I hate ya'lls traffic and I constantly get lost).
L told me that her friends rave about an older lady at Dillard's in Norman.  That immediately made me happy, as any trip to Norman results in a stop at Tarahumara. 
L didn't know the name of the lady, just that she was older and a queen at bra fitting.  Since I'm pretty much a stalker P.I., I knew I could track this lady down.
I called the lingerie department at Dillard's yesterday and a very young associate answered the phone....and my badgering began. (I knew she was young because again, I'm a P.I.).

Me:     Do you guys still have an older lady working in your department that is awesome at bra fitting?

Associate:     (pause)    Well, we have me, I'm the youngest, a middle-aged lady, and two older ladies, but we are all fit certified.

Me:     I only want the one who is the best at bra fitting....like I need serious help and an older one was recommended.  When are the two older ones working??

Associate:     (pause)    Well,   (pause)

Me:     Listen, I know I sound like a stalker, but I really need their schedules because this is really for the greater good.  Can you just tell me if one of them will be working tomorrow evening?

Associate:   (pause)  They'll be here tomorrow.

So......off to Dillard's I went this evening.
I packed a T-Shirt (b/c those show the bras the best) and extra deodorant and counted down the hours until I would meet the bra guru, Ms. Wendy.

Martinez met me at the mall so that he could watch Liv while I had a few bra moments of bliss alone.  I approached the counter where Ms. Wendy just happened to be helping a customer.  When I was next, she sweetly asked me if she could help me.... I smiled... knowing she had no idea what she was about to get into.
Just for the record, Ms. Wendy is NOT old.... She's middle-aged.
Ms. Wendy directed me into a room and then asked for my name, told me to take off my shirt and turn around.  She immediately shouted off the exact brand AND style of the bra I was wearing, that I've had since January and told me that they don't even carry that bra anymore and that it was way too big.
I was so impressed.
Ms. Wendy then put her little measuring tape around, started shaking her head and said " you are gonna leave here a new women". 
That's when I knew we'd be friends.

She left the room and I immediately started to text The DeShazo & L that I was actually in the presence of this guru.
She came back so quickly I couldn't even finish my texts with a handful of bras, but I was able to get a few extra swipes of deodorant on that I brought just in case I might need it.

Ms. Wendy:     Now, I'm gonna undo your bra and you just fling it over there on that bench and then slip this one on.
 
I complied.

Ms. Wendy:     Ya, just like that.  Now, pull down on the front over your breasts and then bend over and then stand up.

Me:     It's just like on double divas!!  If I hadn't watched that show, I wouldn't have known where exactly this was going.

Ms. Wendy:     Oh girl! I'm so mad about that... I was telling my husband how a few us up here should go around and do bra fittings and then just a couple of weeks later I saw that show.  (all the while she's talking to me, she's adjusting and poking and turning my around).

Now look at that...that's a fit!

Ms. Wendy adjusted and approved certain bras....the lady really is awesome.
Not only did I leave the store with new bras, I left with a whole new mind full of information.
It's only fair that I share.

1) You need 7 bras.
     Now Anna, what you need to do now is build your closet! You need 7 bras.  You need to start with Sunday and go through Saturday...one bra for each day ok? You will only wash the bras after each has been worn 4 times.  That means that each bra will only be washed 12 times a year! Just 12 times a year, Anna! You'll get to have these bras for a very long time...IF you take good care of them. Understand? These bras are expensive, so let's make them last. Now you've got four new ones, so that's a very good start.

2) You need a lingerie washing bag.
     How do you wash your bras? I informed Ms. Wendy that I put them on hand wash in the washing machine and let them air dry.  I did NOT inform Ms. Wendy of my old bra sins of washing AND drying them after every wear like I did last year because I couldn't bear the disappointment in her eyes.
You need to use a lingerie bag. You wash a couple together at a time and then lay them out. And you wash the light ones with light ones and dark ones with dark ones.

3) You need to wear dark bras with dark clothes and light bras with light clothes.
     Now, don't get it twisted...this isn't because you might be able to see through... Ms. Wendy had a different reason.
     Now Anna, let's take that shirt you are wearing over there for example.  You have a dark shirt touching your bra, even though your outer shirt is light.  You needed to be wearing a dark bra today, not light.  You don't want the darkness of your undershirt rubbing on your light bra. It'll make them look older and stained.

4) You are not just one bra size.
     So I'm not a ??? anymore?  No, Anna.  That was too big... and you will wear a different size in different brands and styles.  That's what the problem is now.  Women aren't properly sized.  For every band width that you subtract, you will add two cup sizes. For instance if you are a 34DD, you would also wear a 32E.  If you are a 36E, you would also wear a 32 G, dependent on the brand. You see?

Everyone should go see Ms. Wendy.  She had me put my shirt back on after each bra fitting, to get the full effect....no pun intended, hehe. 
She also went and grabbed me a t-shirt off the rack to put on, since I left mine in the car ( and I didn't even tell her that was important to me... b/c she's pretty much genius at her job... and she grabbed one that was perfect fit and I bought that too!  )

 I'm gonna go examine my new bras...for the third time.


You should stay tuned this week... b/c Ms. Wendy and I made a deal.......






Until Next Time.....


Ma'dam Martinez


**sorry for the typos**

Drug dealin' Thug....

That's pretty much what I've been the last couple of weeks in my dreams.  

I've literally been dreaming a couple nights a week for the last few weeks that I'm dealin' drugs...the bad stuff...and I'm involved in a drug cartel.  At first, it was just me....and then Martinez got involved....and then the FBI....but don't worry....we got away.

I have no idea why this is happening.  I wake up trying to figure out what to do next, only to realize that it's 11:30pm or somewhere around 2isham, I'm snuggled underneath my electric blanket (and yes I sleep with an electric blanket year round b/c I'm extremely cold all the time ....but I like the house cold... I get it... it makes no sense..),and I still have 6 hours left to sleep.

After I realize I did in fact survive my gun shot wounds, as it's only a dream, I doze off again....right back to my drug dealin' ways.

These dreams are so intense and I think about it all day the next day.  Martinez was laughing about all of this until my dream last Tuesday night.....because it was so graphic and repulsive that it's frightening...and his involvement in the cartel is heightening......It's amazing what a ball point pen can do.

I've done a great deal of thinking about this. 

My conclusions?

* I subconsciously am obsessed with drugs?

* I have the potential to be a fabulous drug dealer?

* I need therapy?

I really can't figure out where this is coming from...but I'd like them to to stop b/c I'm tired of the hanus crimes I've been committing in dreamland, although we are super loaded:)  The last movie involving anything related to drugs that I watched was Snitch....and I didn't dream about it at all the night I watched it....  I'm not watching anything violent before I go to sleep....so what is it?!!?? It has to stop!!!!

The DeShazo and I were riding together a few weeks ago and a cop car was right behind us. I literally got so nervous and I couldn't think straight....all b/c of these dreams.

and just to be emphatically clear.... I have NEVER taken/been around/"done" or anything else related to drugs!!!!!

Moving forward... or backwards

So... you know The DeShazo challenged us to two weeks with no coke...of any sort....
It's been a struggle.  I didn't realize how much I think/feel I need it!!!  Today is day 11....and there have been days I felt that I might cut somebody if I didn't have one....but I've survived. Mostly b/c I 've gone through $20 worth of sparkling ice waters recommended by M....and b/c Martinez threatened to rat me out if I cheated.


The scale.... has not been kind to me....I keep fluctuating and it's annoying me, but I think The DeShazo has cracked the case.  It's the Lean Cuisines....and the chocolate chip cookies.
A few years ago, I had to stop eating Lean Cuisines for lunch (which is what we did at work) b/c my legs/feet were swelling to the size of a hippo.  Apparently, I can't handle that much sodium....and eating them everyday, plus all the other things (coke) filled with sodium was too much and it started to go away after I cut it down.
I should have known not to eat them again...so it's time to get creative.  I just keep telling myself, " you've lost 65lbs, so you will get this 10 lbs off... and maybe more!".

As far as the cookies....The description on Pinterest shouldn't have been that they are the best cookies ever....b/c that meant I had to make and eat them:)

I didn't start my day off right today either....
I simply went to Sonic for a diet green tea with intent to only get that....but I lost the fat girl fight and got a breakfast burrito.  After three minutes of inhaling it, I got super mad at myself b/c I don't even eat sonic food and haven't in a very long time! I confessed my fat girl sin to The DeShazo who raised her eyebrows at me this morning... and was told " That is totally a weekend move, not weekday!"
I'm still fluctuating and ending my week around 164...but that's not good enough.

I leave you with this.....

I get to have coke in three more days....and I might just bathe in DDP....I'm that desperate for a coke....and since Miley Cyrus is desperate enough to lose all integrity with Robin Thicke, I can bathe in coke, right?? (in south Arkansas, coke means everything carbonated...just fyi)

and....

I hate dresses with ties in the back for two reasons.
1) most make you look fatter than you are or look like maternity dresses or are frumpy
2) the strings fall in the toilet (after you peed) and then graze your leg letting you know you just allowed your dress to bathe in your pee....while you are at work......and you spend time washing your dress to the best of your ability in the work restroom.



Until Next Time.....

Ma'dam Martinez

Catch up and friends :)

One more morning between The DeShazo and I weighing.... We've both kept our commitment...but it's been hard.

I have succeeded in not eating gelato in the last two weeks... mostly b/c I consumed three pints in three days the weekend before this whole scale thing started and I sensed I might have a problem:)

Since my last post, I've learned that The DeShazo needs therapy. Some serious therapy.

Why yes, my friends.  The DeShazo shaves at work....with scissors.

Now you see why she needs therapy.  It was broad daylight.

I'm also wondering if my husband may need therapy, as he wrote a blog post last night....out of the blue......and he was ranting.  I thoroughly enjoyed it...mostly b/c he was ranting in public and most people think Martinez is "so quiet" and  "so sweet" all the time.  I'm not sure how many times I've heard that.....now everyone can see he has quite the opinion.  I mean... he is quiet and very sweet...but he does speak and things do annoy him too.  (I'm thinking now of how people are always like "He's so chill....how does he put up with you?"....now you know! He just doesn't tell everyone like I do:))))

I can't wait to see if his next rant will be about how he despises seeing kissy face pics or recipes on fb, or seeing constant bible verses posted on some ppl's timelines while posting their clubbing pics right underneath or the amount of trash/reality tv his wife watches, as I know that all these are at the top of his annoyance list.

And no, I'm not judging or calling anyone out about clubbing and posting bible verses, so don't get your panties all twisted.

So... I posted about our new bikes recently and how I am a total weakling and couldn't get up a hill b/c my thighs were screaming at me for torturing them....and about how my bike was broken.

Martinez got me a new bike...that works....and guess what....I still didn't make it up the hill:) At least for a few days...but now, I can!!!!! I still have two more hills to tackle, but getting up the biggest one first was my goal and I made it! Now if I can make the entire loop I'll be super pumped!!!

When Martinez went to get me a new bike, he asked what my requirements were.  I told him I was in no way qualified to choose one since the one I chose before was messed up....but that it had to have a seat that I could fit on and and be comfy.

That....is a huge seat !!!  All I could do is laugh....because I know his thoughts about how big my rear is now. Props to Martinez for having the cahonies to actually straight-faced bring the big seat through the door. What can I say? Romance at its finest:)

I also mentioned last post about having dinner with a friend.  D and I met about 5 1/2 years ago....and the story of our friendship is pretty strange and weird to some people, but funny to us and we treasure it.....and the memory of Martinez' profusely sweatin' out the night.

Once upon a time, The DeShazo and one of her friends decided to start a book club.  Our first meeting was just a few girls and then each time more girls would come.  It was either the second or third meeting that D came.  I had heard her in a conversation say that she was from Arkansas...and that her dad was a pastor....so I was learning bits and pieces about her.  We would alternate people's homes to meet at or restaurants- so a few months later, it was my turn to host. 

Martinez barricaded himself in the office with our dog in the beginning while us girls talked about everything except the book we read.  Toward the end of the night, he braved up and came out.  I noticed that he kept awkwardly taking glimpses of D, but I couldn't figure it out.

After everyone left, Martinez aggressively started questioning me about D.

Who was that girl, the one with dark brown hair. Not V, but the other one with short brown hair.

It's D. Beecher.

No, that's D. Pyron.

No, that's D. Beecher.

No, I know her.  It's D. Pyron.

No, I've seen her last name on an email list, and anyway, why do you think she's D. Pyron.

Ohhhhh....oh my gosh.....that is D. Pyron...but it's Beecher now.

  

THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING TO YOU!!

I'll explain all that now.... D. Pyron was Martinez' friend/fellow church member/and girlfriend years ago.  I met Martinez through another friend (K) who is Martinez' sister.  I had heard the name D. Pyron several times, as her family went to church with Martinez' family and they were all friends.  I knew all sorts of things about a person I had never met ....like knowing that this girl had married and moved to OK.

Anyway, I started putting the pieces together and realized that this was the same girl and I had no idea!

I immediately called K who laughed hysterically for what seemed like an hour.

D and I spoke about all of this over the next couple of days and we are great friends.  She had already figured out who I was, though I was in my own world as usual and had no clue.

It's funny how you meet people sometimes and I'm so thankful we can laugh about it..especially since it's pretty hilarious that Martinez was sweatin' it in his office for a few hours wondering why his ex-girlfriend was in his living room having dinner with his wife in a completely different state:)

Martinez, did you just relive that pit in your stomach?

D and I often have dinner's out and now we both have two precious little girls that we hope will be great friends too!! The hours pass so quickly when we are together and I'm so happy to have her! We both love our little families more than anything and can literally talk for hours. D is such a great wife and mom and a lifelong friend and I adore her.

And of course The DeShazo can't go without mention in this photo....oh wait... I already told you she shaves her legs at work.

Our little ones runnin' the mall...

 and dinner...

some older photos..

Another one of my greatest friends is coming this weekend and I can't wait !!  D & W will be here Friday and I'm sure we will have a great weekend....

D is one of those friends that I don't see very often anymore, but it doesn't seem to matter how many months or weeks are in between visits because we pick right back up.  She's helped see me through infertility and cried with me and I've helped her through a deployment and cried with her.  I have several stories to share about us..well, I can't really share them b/c most are inappropriate...but in a good way:)

D recently sent me this photo with some beautiful words afterwards.  I started crying b/c I truly realized how meaningful our friendship is (not that I discounted it before)...but all the memories of sitting and eating dinners while watching housewives, playing nerts, and going out on dates with our hubbies came rushing in.

Can't wait till this weekend !

We had dinner with two fabulous couples on Sunday and then played ladder ball ...briefly....since it was scalding outside and David started glistening.

Martinez and I actually made an edible steak!!! Thanks Pinterest!!!

Sweet M, D & Hope gave us a precious house warming gift that was hung immediately.  Not only is it turquoise which makes it fantastic instantly- it has the words of one of my favorite hymns...

Photos over the last weekish..

Being silly...

Bowling at daddy's work thing...

Sheer beauty..

Me and my girl...who decided to look away

So.... after The DeShazo and I weigh in on Friday...a new challenge begins. Another two week challenge...No cokes....I'm feeling light-headed about this. I love cokes....and depend on them... and The DeShazo knows it and I'm pretty sure she's gonna enjoy my suffering for 14 days like I've enjoyed her suffering from not weighing.
I explained to her that this is a tall order for me....and that I needed the burn in my throat from the coke.  She didn't take any pity on me, as she offered to punch me in the throat to create the burn.

We shall see if I can do this...but I feel like I'm obligated to see it through .....since I talked her into the scale and vegetarian challenge and she followed through....

LG and I 'got our hair did' today... she loves being pampered...

Until Next Time....




Ma'dam Martinez


* Sorry for the typos*

A-limpic Bike Riding

Things that have happened in the last week that I'm happy about:

1) Martinez arranged for a sitter and had a perfect date planned that included jewelry and cake.
    What can I say? I'm a lucky girl.

2)  I ate half more than half of this beautiful cake....that made me almost need to unbutton my pants at the table.  Don't worry yourself...I refrained from doing so... as I thought that might make my date less than romantic.

And I love new jewels..

3) LG's Halloween Costume arrived.
    I can stop stressing about getting one now.

4) Martinez and I purchased bikes.  That's right.  Bikes.  I made Martinez photograph me so I could see how far my cheeks hung off the seat.

I'm less than impressed.

5)  Dinner with one of my dearest friends (D) has been scheduled for next week...The story of how D and I met is a pretty grand one....but it's a blog post all in itself:) Right D?

6)  A weekend has been scheduled with two more of our dearest friends and I can't wait for that.

7) I'm having a love affair with my new steam mop......I cannot wait until I get to clean the bathroom tile and granite with my new attachments...like I'm getting antsy about it.

8) I found out that another of my dearest friends wants a Subway scented Scentsy brick.
 
    I swear I didn't make that up.

9) Aunt D sent me a fabulous book that made me laugh out loud.....and I will probably read it again.

10) LG likes eating fresh pears and cottage cheese.  Maybe she is mine after all? (If she starts squeezing the squares between her two front teeth with each bite- that'll be my true confirmation)

Things that have happened in the last week that I'm NOT happy about:

1) I scorched my hair all up again by trying to learn to use a curling iron.  It took me several months to liven it back up last time.  This counts for 10 things in itself.  Apparently, watching countless youtube videos and the few private tutorials I've had isn't enough.

Bicycle riding- Martinez family style-

We  I had a rough time.  The first ride was amazing. I thought I was on top of the world riding with the wind blowing through my hair (I refuse to wear a helmet...though I should be wearing a helmet daily now since I fried my hair all up again)...and I felt young...26 again.

The second ride....as a family....not so fun.  We bought one of those trailers so that we could all go as a family.  LG likes to "ride" her bicycle we got her for Easter....but she's still not quite there with the pedals obviously...and rollin her little behind around is getting old..

She loves going to ride in the trailer!  You can hear her little voice yelling "keep it going! Mommy! Keep it going! Mommy!"....which leads me to my point of...the second ride was rough....and I wasn't even pulling the trailer with LG!!!!
I couldn't make it up one of the hills....like...there was a burn in my thighs that made the wall sits I experienced in kickboxing seem like exercise for kindergartners.
I started to whine.  I'm sure you're surprised by that.

I had time to snap this photo....since I was WALKING my bike up the hill!  For those of you eye-rollin' b/c this hill looks small....TELL THAT TO MY THIGHS!!

Anyway, I managed to get back on.
I did a fabulous job riding down the hill.  You would have been impressed at my skills...until I tried to brake with the pedals and not the brakes on the handles.  Now....when I was a kid... I had a bike. In fact, I rode it a ton and wore it out...and I remember getting a brand new green and pink one for my birthday....but that one had gears..and I didn't ride it like my old one.
Apparently, I had issues with brakes on handle bars and gears even then.

After Martinez turned and saw my panicked look- he screamed to "use my brakes"(duh...I'm trying....don't you see me pushing backwards on my pedals?????) and pointed at my handle bars... so I was able to stop.
He possibly saved my life...

And then...there was another hill.  I braced myself for it. I tried to get my speed up.. but that constant clicking and jarring of the gears was stressing me out and I ran out of "ummpp" before even making a dent in that hill.
So I huffed and I puffed until I could blow a house down -but not pedal up a hill-and I walked my bike up that hill as well.
It is what it is.

I completed my ride and thought my chest was going to explode...it was the same feeling I had during kickboxing....and then while I was spasming in the floor with my red face thinking I was having a heart attack while LG laughed and Martinez watched......it hit me....this is going to be exercise........
Oh my.

The next ride... was me and LG only.  Martinez hooked the trailer to my bike and I rode her while he did the weed-eating.
I kept telling him that something was wrong with my bike b/c I keep getting jarred around.  He thought I was being dramatic and not trying hard enough...I'm not really sure why he would assume something like that...I mean....I would never dramatize something like exercise......so I pressed on...until something happened and my leg plunged into a pedal and I almost fell off....while trying to go up a small hill.
I finally got my balance and saw that my leg was beet red and in pain. ( I just realized that my description included the word "plunged"...perhaps I might be just a little dramatic because that just flew on my screen without any thought really).
I tried to pedal...but it just wouldn't go.  LG was clearly fed up with this whole escapade...as she was yelling "Go... I want to go mommy!".
Once again, I walked my bike...all the way home....which was about 30 seconds away.

The something that happened? My chain came off.  Martinez put it back on and then I insisted that he take my bike for a spin.  Verdict?? My bike IS messed up and something IS wrong with the gears/pedaling/something!!!!

I'm not sayin' that's the reason I didn't get up the hill...but at least it was satisfaction that I wasn't as clumsy as I thought....and I'm getting a new bike....and my leg looks like I lost a fight with some enraged chickens or buffalos or something.

So...I follow this one girl's blog who has lost over 100lbs!!
Anyway, she's not looking at her scale for the entire month of August.  The DeShazo and I are doing it too....well...only for two weeks b/c we both have commitment problems....even when something is our own idea.
It is what it is.

I took The DeShazo's advice...and I have a goal dress....

It looks so much bigger hanging up...but I can't breathe in that sucker.

Wish me luck....and The DeShazo!  She thinks about how many times she can weigh a day like I think about when I get to eat next.
It is what it is.


Until Next Time....

Ma'dam Martinez


*As always, sorry for the typos*