Drug dealin' Thug....

That's pretty much what I've been the last couple of weeks in my dreams.  

I've literally been dreaming a couple nights a week for the last few weeks that I'm dealin' drugs...the bad stuff...and I'm involved in a drug cartel.  At first, it was just me....and then Martinez got involved....and then the FBI....but don't worry....we got away.

I have no idea why this is happening.  I wake up trying to figure out what to do next, only to realize that it's 11:30pm or somewhere around 2isham, I'm snuggled underneath my electric blanket (and yes I sleep with an electric blanket year round b/c I'm extremely cold all the time ....but I like the house cold... I get it... it makes no sense..),and I still have 6 hours left to sleep.

After I realize I did in fact survive my gun shot wounds, as it's only a dream, I doze off again....right back to my drug dealin' ways.

These dreams are so intense and I think about it all day the next day.  Martinez was laughing about all of this until my dream last Tuesday night.....because it was so graphic and repulsive that it's frightening...and his involvement in the cartel is heightening......It's amazing what a ball point pen can do.

I've done a great deal of thinking about this. 

My conclusions?

* I subconsciously am obsessed with drugs?

* I have the potential to be a fabulous drug dealer?

* I need therapy?

I really can't figure out where this is coming from...but I'd like them to to stop b/c I'm tired of the hanus crimes I've been committing in dreamland, although we are super loaded:)  The last movie involving anything related to drugs that I watched was Snitch....and I didn't dream about it at all the night I watched it....  I'm not watching anything violent before I go to sleep....so what is it?!!?? It has to stop!!!!

The DeShazo and I were riding together a few weeks ago and a cop car was right behind us. I literally got so nervous and I couldn't think straight....all b/c of these dreams.

and just to be emphatically clear.... I have NEVER taken/been around/"done" or anything else related to drugs!!!!!

Moving forward... or backwards

So... you know The DeShazo challenged us to two weeks with no coke...of any sort....
It's been a struggle.  I didn't realize how much I think/feel I need it!!!  Today is day 11....and there have been days I felt that I might cut somebody if I didn't have one....but I've survived. Mostly b/c I 've gone through $20 worth of sparkling ice waters recommended by M....and b/c Martinez threatened to rat me out if I cheated.


The scale.... has not been kind to me....I keep fluctuating and it's annoying me, but I think The DeShazo has cracked the case.  It's the Lean Cuisines....and the chocolate chip cookies.
A few years ago, I had to stop eating Lean Cuisines for lunch (which is what we did at work) b/c my legs/feet were swelling to the size of a hippo.  Apparently, I can't handle that much sodium....and eating them everyday, plus all the other things (coke) filled with sodium was too much and it started to go away after I cut it down.
I should have known not to eat them again...so it's time to get creative.  I just keep telling myself, " you've lost 65lbs, so you will get this 10 lbs off... and maybe more!".

As far as the cookies....The description on Pinterest shouldn't have been that they are the best cookies ever....b/c that meant I had to make and eat them:)

I didn't start my day off right today either....
I simply went to Sonic for a diet green tea with intent to only get that....but I lost the fat girl fight and got a breakfast burrito.  After three minutes of inhaling it, I got super mad at myself b/c I don't even eat sonic food and haven't in a very long time! I confessed my fat girl sin to The DeShazo who raised her eyebrows at me this morning... and was told " That is totally a weekend move, not weekday!"
I'm still fluctuating and ending my week around 164...but that's not good enough.

I leave you with this.....

I get to have coke in three more days....and I might just bathe in DDP....I'm that desperate for a coke....and since Miley Cyrus is desperate enough to lose all integrity with Robin Thicke, I can bathe in coke, right?? (in south Arkansas, coke means everything carbonated...just fyi)

and....

I hate dresses with ties in the back for two reasons.
1) most make you look fatter than you are or look like maternity dresses or are frumpy
2) the strings fall in the toilet (after you peed) and then graze your leg letting you know you just allowed your dress to bathe in your pee....while you are at work......and you spend time washing your dress to the best of your ability in the work restroom.



Until Next Time.....

Ma'dam Martinez