169 & Violations

Interesting day today....and it's mid-afternoon.  Oh dear. I'll get to that later.


This weekend was pretty good !  I'd say a date night, two hour Saturday nap, clean house & caught up DVR is the perfect mix for a great weekend.  Poor Martinez on the other hand probably wouldn't say his weekend was great, as he has somehow injured his back.  The doc said his back is spasming, but since I'm a certified and clearly qualified physician, I'm pretty sure it's because his body is almost thirty.

I worked really hard this weekend to catch up on all my shows.  For those of you who do not know, I DVR most reality shows, plus a few others.  It's hard to keep up- so this week- my goal is to watch something on my DVR every day.... At least one show.

I'd also like to inform you guys that I have weighed in at 169!!! 170's- we can no longer be together.  It's you, definitely not me.

It's later.
I cannot wait one more minute to write about how strange today was.  Pops, you are the only consistent male reader of this blog- other than Martinez - that I know of....so I have to tell you, you may not read anymore of this post.  Fair warning- you don't want to read it.  So, if your brown eyes keep scrolling down, it is what it is.

Yearly gyno appointment today.

 DeShazo, Vic & Sgt. Seeley- I know you are already laughing in your boots/nikes because we've had this discussion today.

Today was not like every other yearly exam I've had.  It was much different...in a very, very bad way.  My appointment started off great.   I sat waiting awkwardly for the doc like every other lady out there in my makeshift gown with faded rose petals on it and blue lap sheet.  I wasted time inputting recipes in my new menu app so graciously recommended by the DeShazo when in walks Dr. E with her pink lipped smile.  At this point, I thought Dr. E and I were friends.  Apparently, doctors really do read your chart before they see you.  Dr. E noticed my weight loss and was extremely happy.  Again, I still thought we were friends at this point.

The normal, expected part of the yearly routine began and ended.  As I'm about to slowly sit up so as not to lose my blue lap sheet, I suddenly jolted right up as I  realized that another district of my body was being violated.  There are no words for my mental capacity in that moment.  On one hand, I wanted to ask the doc if she got lost. On the other, I just wanted to literally pass out so that when I woke up, I could pretend it was a dream.  My body somehow hit the table again. I have no idea what else was said in that room.  I could just feel that my face was blood red and that I needed air...immediately.

As soon as I got back to work, I asked the DeShazo if this had ever happened to her, if I had truly been violated, or if the doc really did get lost.  To my surprise, I was informed that this was normal after having a baby...something about a hemorrhoid check.  This was confirmed by a premed student as well...I was very concerned. After researching hemorrhoids, I'm pretty sure that if I had one, I'd know it... I'd also be happy to report it to the doc if she'd like to ask me about it in the future, rather than checking. I'd also appreciate some sort of warning.  It just ain't right.  My reason for writing about this??? I'm just trying to warn any ladies out that are unsuspecting like me.

Did you know that a working woman should spend 4% of her income per month on new clothing?

If you watched Steve Harvey you'd know.

Until Next Time.....

Ma'dam Martinez