Let's talk about.....

Kickboxing.

Let me tell how much I know about kickboxing..... I had to Google it to see if it was hyphenated.

Once upon a time, my friend, Amy N.- who will be referred to as "The Machine" for the continuation of this post- invited me to a kickboxing class she's attended for a while now.   I thought about it....and then committed to attend on the 26th.

The Machine informed me that a UFC Fighter owned it and does the training... I didn't tell The Machine I had no idea what UFC stood for....

When The Machine told me the name of the place... R-1 MMA.... I didn't tell her that I had no idea what MMA stood for either.... I just asked The DeShazo about that:)

I had no idea what I was getting into....

I put on my new Dri-fit Nike shirt, new tennis shoes & workout pants, tied the best ponytail I could tie with short hair and headed to meet The Machine....thinking I was ready.

The Machine and I before......

All Smiles... SO unsuspecting....

Afterwards....
"Toe up from the Flo up"

Let's break this class down...

The Machine advised that I would not need my purse- trip back to my car... no jewelry was needed...trip back to my car... this should have been a sign.

Right before our trainers got us ready, The Machine informed me that we would do some other exercises like lunges..... I panicked in my head. Lunges?????? I don't do lunges!!!!!!!!

Me:               (looking at The Machine) I can't do this Amy! I'm about to leave.  I can't do this.

The Machine:  Stop saying you can't!  You can.  Just do the best you can.  If you have to rest, it's ok.

Me:                 Amy, I feel weird, I'm nauseous.

....

Trainer:         Ok - I want you guys to jog in a circle for 3 min to warm up.

 Inner dialogue:    3 min!!! 3 whole min!! 3 min without a break!!!  I'm about to vomit!  I'll just jog to the  door and then jog out to my car and leave. I'll never see these people other than Amy N. again, so it'll be ok.  I 'll just talk to her about it later.

The Machine starts the jog...I follow suit not knowing if I can even complete one circle.

I complete the circle... and then another... and then another.

 Inner dialogue: Ok! I'm doing this and I haven't passed out yet!  There's only 2 min left! I can do it.

The trainer instructs us to do something different... I have no idea what he called it b/c I was trying to just reciprocate The Machine's moves- in my mind- We shuffled inward and the outward.  That's the best I can describe.

Once that was complete, we were instructed to stand in the middle of the mat.  I thought we were on break....Where's the water boy?? WRONG!

I believe our next activity was called a "circuit workout", but I'm not sure I have the correct name.  Let me tell you about this "circuit workout"....IT. HURT. LIKE.------!

I learned what squats were and where those make you hurt.
I learned what air squats were and where those make you hurt.
I learned what burpees (yes, I had to Google spelling for that one too) were and where those make you hurt.
I learned what lunges...with weights.... were and where those make you hurt.
I learned several other moves- can't remember the names or even close- I just know I was on the floor and my thighs are paying the price for those exercises.
I also learned that when you "sit on the wall", it's not the break I thought it was...and my thighs felt that too.

I thought I was at this class to hit/kick stuff and learn how to be tough. WRONG AGAIN.
I quickly figured out that I was actually gonna have to complete this workout...in a facility...with other girls...with fella trainers....this was a huge step... a step that had me losing it inside my head.  I felt tears approaching...but I willed them away and hoped they looked like sweat:)

I felt so strange.  At times, I would look around and wonder where I was and how I got there. My heart was beating so fast...my breathing was ragged.  It sucked and was wonderful at the same time.

The trainers...  I really felt sorry for them.  They would demonstrate a move...and I would fail miserably at my attempt to reciprocate.  They would show me again...and I would flounce around again.  This happened repeatedly with the lunges with weights, the squats and the burpees...and.... everything else.  The trainers were SO patient.  They never once yelled or became rude or made me feel bad.  I'm pretty sure they may be the most patient fellas ever...after Martinez of course... because they dealt with my dramatics and were motivating.

Another thing about these trainers, they know when you are slacking off.  While one of the trainers was giving me my third or tenth personal demonstration of a burpee, I was thinking...ok, this is only for 30 seconds at a time, so if he keeps demonstrating, I'll get out of it because the 30 seconds will be up.... NOT.THE.CASE.  The fella had me do each part of the burpee with him...I think he was on to me:)  I left so much sweat on that floor.

This was how I felt in my head..

On to the punching....

The Machine advised that we were gonna put on gloves and just hit the bags 500 times.  I assumed she was exaggerating, you know, like when you say " I ate a thousand oreos" .. WRONG.  The fella literally told us to hit the bag 500 times.... with a certain technique... a technique I had to have demonstrated so many times that I lost count of my punches.  My shoulders...hurt worse than any contraction I ever felt. Seriously.  I thought my muscles had ripped.
The Machine could see my panic, yet again, and she got me through it.  I finally told myself...."You've lost 62 pounds, beat some infertility crap and gone through a deployment- surely you can do this too.!".. so I did the best I could and slowly finished.

Then there were the kicks....and again... I had to have private demonstrations.  I equate this whole experience with dancing, something I CANNOT do!  I have no rhythm and to me...it's kinda the same, only I had people who cared assisting me and really trying to teach me ....because apparently you can get hurt easily if you aren't doing it right.

Abs- the last part of this hour was spent "working abs".  When The Machine told me this...well......I just don't have appropriate words to type.
We were instructed to get in a circle and each girl would chose an ab exercise and everyone would do that exercise for a certain amount of time, and then the next girl would pick one.

me:                        Amy, I don't know any ab exercises!!! Can I skip??

The Machine:        Calm down. When it's your turn, I'll tell you one.

Inner dialogue:       The only ab workout I know is how to balance a plate of mashed potatoes on my stomach while I reach for a drink! I really hope Amy gives me an exercise!

The Machine pulled through, and thankfully, there was another new girl who didn't know any either... Wheww.

I see now why workout chicks wear tight workout clothes....my view on this is that ya need to "hold it all in".  I felt body parts moving....flouncing...jiggling, ect.... and I felt like a whale while doing the floor exercises ..but I know that I did some work... work that'll make me stronger...work that'll make me respect people who can do these things easily...work that I needed to do.

I would totally recommend R-1 MMA for a workout place.  It's not fancy... but that's the best part.  The people are awesome... the trainers are awesome... and I didn't feel like I was at a gym with a bunch of skinny-judgy people.  They were all nice and motivating- and it's 5 min from my house!

http://www.mattgricemma.com/R1MMA/home.asp

When I got in my car to leave... I thought I might need to stop by the ER on the way home... but I really needed gas.

Martinez had the nerve to ask me how I felt when I walked in....I guess my face told it all b/c he just laughed.


This is what I missed in the precious hour away from my family...

I believe they had fun hanging out !

***sorry for typos!  I just get tired of proof-reading***

Until Next Time...


Ma'dam Martinez